Yep. I cannot even use spaces in tweets right anymore.
Happy Friday! Here's Hugh dubsmashing to Katy Perry.
I just want to say to my dear readers before they read this RF...may God have mercy on your souls. There are two themes this week. First one is: Hugh Jackman is such a gift to humanity and we are not worthy of him. Second is: most men other than him deserve to be whacked in a dick with a tennis racket. I'll explain the latter later on in the post. The former needs no explanation.
I just love that scene in The Wolverine I mentioned in that tweet above. There was literally no reason for it. And yet it happened. Him just swinging that axe in that tank top. God bless cinema. God bless it.
This right here is Hugh (in my edit I made on Sunday evening because clearly I have nothing better to do) being rightfully Golden Globe nominated for Kate and Leopold:
Say it with me - ADORABLE.
And also - highly interesting visual.
...and we're in the gutter already and it's only 8th bullet point.
Well, let's continue.
(I assure you - this will get so much worse.)
I rewatched that movie on Saturday. The film is dumb as hell and Meg Ryan's character was surprisingly not relatable - and I don't mean it just because she didn't faint the second Hugh dropped that the way your face looks in moonlight line. If I could be with that man and all I had to do was 1. believe time travel exists 2. abandon my life 3. jump off the bridge I wouldn't hesitate or be scared like this bitch did. I'd jump immediately.
Show me that bridge. SHOW me that bridge.
Also show me the leading man in romantic comedy of the last 20 years half as charming as he was here. You can't.
My own dog is laughing at me, you guys -->
Hugh stood up every single time she left the table. He helped her put on a coat. He made her breakfast. He carried her to bed in his arms. He RODE A WHITE HORSE. I was just gasping and sighing all over the place. Please tell me there are still men like that out there. And please tell me people are teaching their sons to act that way towards women. We need to protect and preserve chivalry. I don't want to live in the world where it doesn't exist. And it's on the verge of a fucking extinction.
I made a gifset of some of the chivalrous stuff he does in the movie. Take a look. Copy it for your ladies. Not so much the horse riding but you know, everything else.
(also this was one of the deleted scenes. Why the fuck would you delete this from the movie?!)
Before I was swooning so hard I almost died while watching Hugh play a duke and being so, so charming (Hollywood is occasionally doing God's work) I saw Wolverine Origins or whatever the fuck the title of this movie is for the very first time. Oh it was bad. Not horrible, but bad. And I know Reynolds delivered with Deadpool last year but my God he must have no shame at all because after Origins he should have just leave Hollywood and walk the Earth.
I legitimately don't know what I meant with the barn tweet. Something dirty for sure, but what specifically, I have no idea.
During the week I rewatched X-Men. Hugh was basically in a baby Wolverine form compared to him in 2013's movie where his arm was the size of my thigh and nothing should ever be the size of my thigh (also here is Richard E. Grant posting this wonderful photo and saying similar thing).
I'm fascinated with the way the claws come out when he is sleeping. He is banging women left and right in this franchise (thank you FOX). So he has a nightmare and the claws come out? How many chicks died this way? Can I be one of them? I mean if there is a way to go, going after banging him seems like the least awful out there. Or during. You will understand what I'm referring to in a moment (the fear is palpable among the male readers atm)
I rewatched The Prestige on Friday night. I livetweeted it in a highly sober and dignified manner:
This right here is the verbalization of the high pitched noises I was making.
Mental note - don't do a cleanse and follow it with vodka. Or at least don't go on twitter when you do.
It's such a great movie. Here's my review written back when I actually 1. wrote reviews 2. they were good (just ignore the fact the images don't work in it). It's Nolan's best film, hands down. And until Logan Hugh's best work. He is just so fucking amazing there. I gasp every time I watch it and he goes 'I don't care about my wife I only care about his secret".
And those outfits they put him in. That was so good.
The only weak link is Scarlett but it's not entirely her fault. Nolan cannot really write good female characters and it takes a really strong actress (like Hall in this movie) to do wonders with the role.
WHICH KNOT DID YOU TIE, BORDEN?!
Ugh, I just want to praise him and feed him strawberries.
Ladies and gentlemen. For the very first time (well, there was a gif last week but this is a picture taken in the wild not a gif from the movie) on this sophisticated website I give you...bookangarooconda.
I'm just giving you time to....take all of it in. With your eyes. I mean.
Personal story time - I was a huge nerd in school and I had straight As from everything but P.E.
Had I have a teacher like that I'd definitely be in the fucking Olympics.
I mean *had* I have a teacher like that I'd definitely be in the *fucking* Olympics.
The man is tweeting about the ice cream as in the food you literally lick named after him and using 'in' in all caps:
Jesus Christ, viewing this tweet is the equivalent of sitting on malfunctioning washing machine.
Which for the record I have never done (stupid washing machine here is built into cabinets so it's useless to me).
I think he needs to be locked up somewhere, this is not safe at all. Just imagine if someone was driving a car and saw that tweet. I'd just....straight into a fucking tree. This is why I don't drive. I am responsible like that.
I wonder about him. I really do. Is he this sweet, bouncing kangaroo who sees there is ice cream named after him and goes "oh that is so cute! I'm gonna share this with my followers!"
is he this cruel, ruthless tormentor (I need to lie down...) who decides to tweet the equivalent of Matrix Reloaded Orgasm Cake?
By the way he tweeted this on Tuesday, 3 PM my time. Thank God it was half an hour left to go home and my co-workers didn't seem to notice I was catatonic for 30 minutes just muttering the words "kangaroo" and "licking" to myself.
OH MY GOD WHAT DID HE ALMOST SAY?!:
Two things pain me so much. The first one:
And the second:
That will probably not happen but if this happened it would be the greatest thing that has ever happened. The Witcher is a big deal here since it's pretty much the one of the only two successful 'art' things that came from my country (along with Ida) in the last 30 years so the adaptation talk is everywhere on our web. And Jackman is everyone's top choice. Ughhh I wish Hollywood was more eager to adapt this. Our mythology that you can see in the game is actually so amazingly dope, in large it is forgotten because Christian invasion forced it into obscurity but I have read so many books about it. The creatures and myths in our local folklore are incredible and would make for such amazing things on screen if done well.
I just want to see him seduce a bunch of schoolgirls and fuck women on top of stuffed magical creatures.
Why can't I have nice things?
Do you guys remember 2013? When Hugh won his Golden Globe and walked on stage and adorably talked about that bike wheels theft? And how it was between him and Lewis in the Oscar race? And how the fucking Academy went "fuck it, 2 is not enough and he had fake beard and played real dude" and gave it to Lewis? Because it's 2017 and there's Hugh in a movie (The Greatest Showman) that will be musical category and now this crap is happening. Which makes me mad. But I'm already on the verge of blind fury because he needs to be nominated for Logan and I have no faith in the Academy. This Oscar season will be a nightmare.
Hugh actually showedThe Greatest Showman footage on CinemaCon last night.
(and by the way I know his wife said once she hates being told that she won the lottery because she is his wife but woman, you DID win a lottery. Any woman married to him would win a lottery. He thanked her for 1/3 of this speech above. My God.)
Ed Harris showed up on Paleyfest to promote Westworld. This is amazing,
Let me help you understand - Ed Harris usually spends time on his ranch in Malibu, riding horses and planting or cutting down trees (I love nature but the latter is hotter). If he goes anywhere it's to film stuff or act on stage. If press comes there, he talks to them. But this is Ed Harris actually going to an event to promote something he did and making people laugh and stealing the show.
This is as surprising as if I wrote a dignified RF (with no 1. ejaculation joke 2. bulge photo 3. oral sex reference, we're 2/3 in and this stuff already happened here this week) that would actually inform you of something relevant and that would make you think "wow, this girl must have satisfying love life".
So in other words extremely fucking surprising.
What is even more amazing than seeing him promote is him making people laugh so hard. The quality of this is so bad but you can see Marsden was dying there.
Here you can read everything new we found out about season 2.
I know, I know. I promised the first post on Ed will be up in March but I really wanna do a good job there. I really want to write about each of those performances everything I can find and think of. I want people to really want to see those movies. So just give me few more days.
How the hell do you people manage to post several posts a week? By the time I'm done with all the stuff I have to deal with daily it's 10 or 11 pm. And I'm single and childless. Are you telling me that me coming up with new and exciting places to hide Gustav's toys in so he needs to find them and me stealing them from him and running away as he is chasing me takes more time than what normal people do?
I need to wake up at 5.30 am Monday to Friday so anything I do after 11 pm comes from my Tinkerbell needs to sleep time. Hence me not having seen new episode of Feud this week and having to divide the movies into two parts between days. This is madness.
There was this moment this week when this guy I don't even know suggested it's inappropriate to fangirl about an actor. Fasten your seat belts because I have lots to say. I spend 40 hours a week in a very stressful, difficult job where I see every day how people's lives implode. Often times I read about medical malpractice, people getting crippled for their entire lives or losing their children. I am tired after I come home. I don't even have the strength to go to the movies that often, and I love movies, let alone go out and 'find a husband' as I'm sure patriarchal society would love for me to do at any cost, anyone really, just to fit in. I am way underpaid even though I have studied for years, never been late to work and never say no to extra work. If after I come home all I want to do is sit down and watch a dumb movie just because there is someone in the movie I find hot, you know what? I fucking will. And no man on this planet, absolutely no man has any right to tell me or any other woman how she should spend her free time or where to find joy. Oh and it's not just about looks. Because guys like Ed Harris - who is exemplary husband - and Hugh Jackman - who is also and is an extremely friendly and nice guy - are literal treasures. World is filled with men who abuse women, who don't treat women with respect and who feel the need to tell them what they can do even in the matter as trivial as what they can enjoy in the goddamn movie they watch. My world is filled with men who don't even say 'good morning' or help me out when I carry stacks of papers (you have no idea how bad my back hurts at the end of the week). So when I see one who doesn't seem to be like that and also happens to be a wonderful actor which as a movie fan I admire, I will sure as hell appreciate them however I want even if it's horribly inappropriate, pervy, unbecoming and offends someone's delicate sensibilities. And if anyone out there wants to judge me for it and voice their judgment to me then watch the fuck out because I will not let that stand for a second.
Unless you are worried for the sensibilities of an actor? Are we really going to assume the man who did not drink water for 36 hours prior to shooting the scene so that his muscles would look even more impressive would be horrified that the sight of him makes someone lose their mind? Yes, I am 21 years younger than him, not horrible looking girl who thinks he is a beautiful man and worships him. Oh, the horror. What a terrible thing is happening to that man.
It is possible to appreciate someone's looks AND someone's talent. It is possible to feature a picture of a man's - there is no other way to put this - impressive dick bulging against the towel AND cry buckets when he cries in the movie because he is so damn good at what he does. And it's still possible to hope he never ever gets cancer again because he is a sweet person and this should not be happening to good people. And it's still possible to hope he wins Oscars not because I want to see him in tuxedo on the red carpet - although I do want to see him in a tuxedo on the red carpet - but because he is talented and talented people should be appreciated and rewarded.
I am about to have seen every single thing Ed Harris did in his career. 76 movies. And I saw all of that not just because he is good looking but because he is the greatest actor out there. And you know what else? I'm fucking great at this. I can take my love for an actor, however immature or silly it may seem to 'functioning member of society' (and what the fuck is that, huh? I have a job, I pay taxes, I take care of my parents. When do I get the right to do and say what I want? When I'm married? When I have kids? No, it's when I am reborn as a man and have a penis, right?) and make something entertaining out of this for others. And that is this series the entry of which I hope you are enjoying right now.
I haven't seen Big Little Lies last episodes but apparently Alexander Skarsgard's character pissed Nicole Kidman off and she whacked him with a tennis rocket...in the dick.
Ladies...I think that's it. We should start carrying tennis rackets. And any time a man tells us what to do, raises his voice or grabs our ass (all of those things happened to me on several occasions)? Whack a dick. How else will they fucking learn? It's getting worse. I think my generation is the last one where some men are chivalrous enough to hold the door open for women. Unless my generation, those non awful in it, passes that to their sons how will they develop enough respect for women to realize that none of us gives a flying fuck what their opinion about properness of our outfits and opinions is?
You know who else should get whacked like that? The man (and I guarantee you it was a man) whose idea it was to do this. It's 20-fucking-17 and the prestigious film festival has a poster promoting it with a retouched picture of a beautiful as she was actress. This is beyond shameful. The fact she doesn't seem to mind is absolutely irrelevant. What is relevant is the message. And that message is: we're pigs. Yeah, we hear you, Cannes film festival.
Here's another candidate for the racket. Emma Thompson is such a treasure.
What a horrific trailer
for It .I never saw the first movie so I have no idea what the story is
about and it's worrying that the director of Mama is behind this one
but that is one impressive trailer.
Mayim Bialikthinks it's awful that grown women are sometimes being called girls. Personally I love being called a girl. When someone calls me a woman I feel old as hell. And as evidenced above we women have much bigger problems with the way men address us than this.
Chris Pratt is being a bitch again. You know what is skinny, Chris? That dog you and your wife abandoned. Drops mic. Judges for life.
This is fucking hysterical. I legitimately laughed for like 5 minutes imagining Sorkin's disbelief. He is just so stunned this is happening. What kind of a bubble do successful white men live in? No, no. What kind of bubble do men live in? Hang on, so you can be a hardworking and talented woman and still not have the same opportunities as a man does? Well, shit and fuck. Who would have thunk it?
Here's gorgeous picture of Evan Rachel Wood on the cover of Elle.
Anne Hathawayis back, wearying a horrific dress and looking like she had something even more horrific done to her face. It's depressing younger and younger actresses are doing that. First Williams - it's so evident in her crying scene in Manchester - and now Anne. There is nothing wrong with your looks! Stop doing that! Hugh Jackman carried you to the stage when he hosted the Oscars! You don't need anything more, woman!
Angelina Jolieis out there saying she is busy with kids (let's ignore the army of nannies) and is not using make up. The latter may be true. Is it still make up when you've been injected with a whole bunch of crap and probably Brad Pitt's leeched blood in the lips for permanent lipstick?
I hate to write anything remotely sympathetic towards Angelina, but do you guys think male celebrities have to do this sort of crap? Hint - there is only one answer to this question.
New teaser for Game of Thrones where the coolest moment is Cersei and her fake CGI breath. That says it all, doesn't it?
Breaking news - apparentlyJennifer Lawrence is mature and that's why Aronofsky is into her. I can confidently call myself a more mature person than this chick so this is saying something.
The poster for Kingsman 2. Cannot wait for this. Here's the first trailer description.
The director of Avengerswill make Batgirl movie for DCEU. The guy who couldn't make Black Widow solo for years is making the Batgirl movie. I don't know what to make of this.
Justice Leaguetrailer dropped and it's surprisingly not horrible. Momoa is worthy of a credit for making freaking Aquaman look so damn cool. He is probably definitely gonna be the best thing about this movie.
CinemaCon happened this week and we got whole bunch of movie news. There was also a rumor that the trailer for Blade Runner 2049 (where Jared Leto reportedly steals the show) will drop online and it didn't happen. I am very sad.
People got to see the trailer for The Murder on the Orient Express remake and apparently it's very good.
I'm not sure what the hell kind of rehab detox technique Affleck did but it looks like he is now drinking twice as much. Also JFC Momoa is such a rock star I can't. Good husband, good dad, good co-worker, good actor. Good man.
Cavill looks like a disgraced geography teacher on that picture, by the way.
J-boo did show up and in the same jacket he wore to one of Suicide Squad events last year. J-boo has fallen on hard times. People laugh at him, he cut his hair and looked like a lesbian for months and now his only shot at redemption is a cameo in a fucking Ryan Gosling movie. I'm not sure standing so close to Snyder is gonna help things.
So I was actually going to watch Les Miserables right after I publish this. Friday is drinking day and there is no way I can get through that shitty movie (which features Eddie Oscar thief Redmayne) sober. However...
After work today the screening of Ghost in the Shell fit perfectly which almost never happens - it started at the exact time I finish work, the cinema is 10 minutes away so I packed up my shit, said nice weekend bitches and left 10 minutes early to go to see it.
First of all, I fucking hate when they put trailers for horror films in front of films that aren't horrors. I don't go to see scary movies in the cinema, I rather see them at home where I have the control of volume. When you are there in the cinema you just sit there while that scary shit plays in front of you and you are defenseless. They attached the teaser for that new Annabelle movie in front of the flick and I was sitting there, alone, trying not to crap my favorite skirt I happened to be wearying today.
That teaser - along with Jason Statham being all hot in that new Fast and Furious movie trailer - was actually far more exciting than Scarlett's latest. The music by Clint Mansell was fantastic, the visuals were cool and the actors did a good job - to my surprise Pilou Asbæk who was just awful in Game of Thrones was the MVP here - but holy hell, the story. I've never seen the original movie so I don't know how much you cared about characters there but here I didn't really care that much. There were things thrown in there to make them relatable - Pilou's character fed stray dogs so I immediately liked him (and by the way every time the dog was on screen I was worried something horrible was going to happen which fortunately didn't) - but it didn't really work and the film was forgettable. I gave it 6/10 but I'm definitely getting the soundtrack.
And also seeing a mediocre movie like that just made me appreciate Logan even more. I seriously doubt there is gonna be a better movie this year.
Therefore now being even more tired than I was after leaving work - that film was 100 minutes but man, did it feel longer than that - I cannot stand boo kangaroo all in tears with Eddie Redmayne lurking on the screen. So Real Steel it is.